Career Bites #12: Interview People
You’re willing to work hard, you want to add value, but you also want to enjoy your work and be inspired. The key is to interview people.
Networking can be really lame sometimes. Even the most extroverted and outgoing among us feel a pang of anxiety, distaste, or resistance when it comes to the idea of milling around an event, seeking the important connections, and grasping for business cards or, even worse, trolling the internet (LinkedIn) for strangers who can help you and then trying to quickly ingratiate yourself so as to elicit a favor in your job search.
It’s a mistake because it is critically important to the rest of your career.. The more senior or entrepreneurial you get, the more your opportunities will depend on who you know and who knows you, rather than on your resume or accomplishments. Having a solid group of friends and associates who like and want to help you – a personal network – is key to career success.
But if you are anything like me, knowing that something is good for you makes no difference.
I know that hitting the snooze button on my alarm five times every morning makes me groggier and less enthused to start my day when I eventually do, grudgingly, put my feet on the floor.
But, oh!!!! The heaven of just 10 more minutes in that sweet cocoon of blankets!!! I can just shortcut my shower. I can just take out the trash tonight after work instead. I can drink the crap coffee in the break room instead of stopping for a latte. I always find new and creative ways to hit that button.
And so do you sometimes!!! Because we do what we want at any given moment, not necessarily what we think is good for us. This is why there is so much attention to creating positive habits in the recent self-development literature, because the only way to make sure you do something regularly is to turn it into the thing you want in those moments. We are geniuses at getting what we want!
So the reason not to hate networking isn’t because it’s good for you. The reason not to hate networking is because you have misunderstood what it is in the first place and you are throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
These are the things you hate:
I am going to call this approach to networking: “Find, sell, get.”
Find the person that matters, sell yourself, and then get them to do what you want.
Let me just say: Yuck.
OF COURSE YOU HATE THIS!!! You should!!!
These facts are just simply human nature. If you have been trying to fight your true nature and force yourself to network in spite of your very legitimate distaste for the scenarios I described above, then I have a question for you: How’s that going?
My guess is, probably not that great. Sure, maybe you have made a handful of useful contacts along the way, but if you are honest about it, it probably never felt great to you, you probably haven’t fostered truly meaningful relationships with most of those people, and worst of all, it probably wasn’t very much fun.
So if you hate networking, it’s because you aren’t actually networking.
What you are doing is attempting to prove yourself in a world that you don’t believe is predisposed to want to help you.
You are actively placing your own insecurities between you and the new strangers you are trying to connect with, and then hoping against hope that there will be a miraculous break through all of that mess into a meaningful connection.
You are turning networking into a transaction rather than thinking of it as the process of finding and building your professional network with new friends, collaborators, and supporters.
There is a four-step process by which this happens. See if you agree, based on your own extensive experience building relationships with the many people you love.
So, as for networking skills, you know how to make a connection. It’s as simple as shaking hands, saying hello, and having a real two-way dialogue – including active listening – about something that interests one or both of you.
You know how to give the connection a future. It’s as simple as creating a reason to follow up! “Hey, I’d love to hear more about your company, can we set up a time next week to chat?” Or “I have an article that you must read, let me have your email and I will send it to you tomorrow!”
You know how to maintain a relationship. It’s as simple as staying in touch at a frequency appropriate to the relationship (Best friends? Once a week. Senior colleagues in different companies? Maybe three or four times a year) and seeking to deepen the relationship at each stage. Which brings us to…
You know how to connect people to others. It’s as simple as an email introduction, a LinkedIn hookup, or a shared coffee date.
But here’s the REALLY important question….
Don’t you love:
You love building relationships:
And life is supposed to be fun. So why not take this attitude instead of the “Find, sell, get” approach? If you hate networking, it’s because you are coming at it the wrong way.
You shouldn’t love networking because it is good for you.
You should love networking because you already love building new connections with interesting people, turning them into friends, adding value to their lives, and introducing them to the other people you love.
That is what networking really is.
Every time you meet someone new, you are adding a new skill set, new possible connections, and new resources to your network.
If you don’t forget the importance of Step 4 – connecting people to others – then when someone becomes your friend, you’ll remember that they are only one step away from contributing their unique gifts to everyone else you know.
Instead of thinking of yourself as groveling to get ahead through networking, start thinking of yourself as a Network Hero. Recognize that you are a critical hub in the vast network of connections among everyone you know. Acknowledge that you have value to contribute to all of those people and seek new and creative ways to help them, support them, and advance their goals. Make it your job to ensure that everyone in your network benefits from you AND from each other.
If you do this, I promise you will start to love networking, and it will become fun again.
You’re willing to work hard, you want to add value, but you also want to enjoy your work and be inspired. The key is to interview people.
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